Since everyone else is doing it

Thoughts

Today was the type of day I miss so much. Today was the type of day where every single problem in life goes away because I am with amazing people that make me laugh and feel so good about everything. Today was the type of day I need more often.

Tennis in the morning- Get my exercise of the week on.

Go home, change, drive to pick up Diana.

Get my cousin at the Arcadia mall.

Take off to Venice.

Searched for one hour to find a place to park. Blasting Earth Wind & Fire nonstop and getting people on the streets to sing along with us. Diana hollering at cholos and them actually coming up to the car. I thought we were going to get shot or killed but they just laughed. Flashing a random guy in a beat up VW van the reject number. Finally find a place to park and walk to the Venice Boardwalk.

Meet up with my cousins friends.

Them sitting there at the beach watching all these people I didnt know smoke pot made me realize how amazing life is without drugs. I dont get why people do them at all anymore. I sat there awkwardly and just glared at everyone. Finally Diana and I decided to just go ape shit and freak out in the water.

Then off to Hollywood for my cousins 25 birthday dinner. I was the only guy there and it was a little odd but I was ok with it all because the table was filled with hot girls everywhere. Times like that I wish I was maybe 21-23 years old. Being 18/19 is too young.

Also today made me realize I want a girlfriend. I would be the perfect boy friend, I really would. I could drive my girl all over to the amazing spots I know, buy her dinners, get her things, be the nicest guy she knows, care for her, and all that other shit. For the first time ever I am beginning to look for a relationship. My philosophy in life for so many years was “oh, they will come to me” but I have slowly figured out unless I do something then nothing will happen. I would be the perfect boy friend.

Overall, it was a very good day.

Never Again

Will I trust a person as much as I have. I thought some people would be different but in the end they are all the same.

It hurts to be let down, backstabbed, and shit talked.

I want things to go back to 4 months ago where I had no care in the world, enjoyed every day of life without all these things holding me back, and just myself.

Life is complicated, and Im tired of failing.

anxious with no reason

I got to thinking about how much I’ve changed in only one year and it is mind boggling. From some sorry loser his senior year with zero confidence to a young growing adult with happiness oozing out of every pore. That alone is enough to make me have a mini anxiety attack. Just thinking about the past and the present and the future. Its all amazing, it really is. Everything in life has a special meaning, a special place, a purpose. There was a reason for me to be so unhappy before, so I can be happier than all  those people that made me unhappy now.

A perfect circle life is.

To believe that I am now growing up and  starting to work, to travel more freely by myself, to be able to have freedom I never could of dreamed of, to live a life that puts shame to most, to be truly happy, to enjoy the littler things in life, to just being me finally.

Looking back and seeing myself is hard. I only see a kid that was naive, close minded, and selfish. As soon as I opened up just a tad everything starting flowing together. Now I am to the point where I am completely content with everything. No more sadness. It all vanished like a thin layer of fog that was only lingering around for a few years. Now the sun is shinning brighter than ever and everything is looking up.

What more could I want other than to share these happy moments with everyone I know. Oh, memories. The past is just something to look back on and chuckle. The things I did, the things I said, the way I acted, the way I dressed, my hair style. The past is just that, the past. Move on and roll out.

Bracing the days.